Got myself into a little tizz

I found out my friend hadn't  betrayed me. It was all a big misunderstanding. I think our friendship is stronger for this little hiccup. I tend to get myself into a tizz about a situation for a few days. After thinking about the situation I decide that it doesn't even really matter and its not worth being upset about.

My emotions go from one extreme to the other. I care intensely then I don't give a shit. I don't know if that normal.

My self imposed exile from the scene means that I need to use Fetlife  to meet potential partners. I'm not sure yet if this is a bad thing. I have started a  little thing with a long distance sub.  I am meeting a potential sub for a drink  this week. I also had several hours of my life wasted by fetlife time waster. 

A has been sniffing around. I'm not sure  if he wants to play again. It would probably  make sense to ask him if he does. I have missed him a little.

I am feeling a lot better emotionally. I am taking myself off to a country spa later this week to get some well earned me time and pampering. 

Harder Better Faster Stronger

Sometimes this blog feel like my own true friend who will never betray me.

A is still M.I.A. I found out why the Dungeon Dragon is no longer interested, one of my good friends and the dragon have decided to try out some stuff. He says he is afraid if he plays with the both us. Her feelings will be hurt. I feel betrayed by the friend, because she didn't even give me a ahead up. I would never treat her in the same manner that she has treated me. .Its unlikely  when and if they do finish up I will want her sloppy seconds. I feel foolish to fight over a man. But I need cooling off time from her. I'm actually reconsidering the friendship. I haven't been feeling great recently and this has pushed me further into a melancholy  mood. 


I wasn't going out on the scene. I haven't been feeling great about being Mistress. Everyone I play with seems to fall by the waste side. My self esteem as Mistress is in the gutter and this little incident has made me feel worse. I tried to make myself feel better by drinking a bottle of wine and a few slips of vodka and  dancing to hip hop in my underwear, bunny ears and sunglasses. I did feel a little better.

I am to afraid to go out on the scene and  see the friend and the Dungeon Dragon in the same room. I like to drink and sometimes I forget what I say. I feel like I have the drunken potential to flirt with the friend ex  just to get even. It wouldn't be nice thing to do her.


I'm very sad these days and I'm not sure why. Its not all the time. I don't have a particular reason. I'm not very happy with my body.  I am starting to settle into my new job.  I start studying Psychology in September which I am looking forward to . I don't have a particular to be sad.

I feel sad and I want to be alone most of the time. I feel this will help me  feel better. I need to work on my relationship with myself. This little incident has spurred me on to work on getting fit and reading more about the scene and other books so that when I eventually return I will be harder better faster stronger

Misery doesnt love company

Im not in a great mood. I had a bad day at my new job and im not sure if its right place for me. It may not be. I dont want to throw in the towel so quickly. I will be ok, I think I just wrote I will be okay as Im trying to convince myself.

A isnt responding to my text message. Plus I decided to text the Dungeon Dragon just to be sure that  I did get the polite brush off a few months ago. Now I am sure of it.

So Im Mistress with no sub and two Doms. I suppose I have to declare myself switch.

I did recently decide to take a three month break from socialising on the scene. I wanted to read more about S&M and become a better mistress for my next sub.In fact the time is also going to be  spent trying to become a better person.


I feel miserable at the moment - no sex life , fat, spotty, tired. I know things will mellow in a few days.  I just need to put on my resilent shell. I need to find some strenght to go on.