I am ultimately feeling good and I am taking the knock back on the chin. Life is good things could be a lot worse. I have my health and strength and friends and family that love me.
I will have to see the Dungeon Dragon at event later this week and honestly I don't even know if I really care anymore. I tend to get upset and then rebound from being upset and find a way to explain to myself that its really not that bad and things could be a lot worse.
I don't know if I am really having a good time on the scene anymore. I need to keep an eye on this.
Its quite de javu ish ( I made up a word lol) . You go to same places and see the same people a lot of the time which is really nice most of the time. You feel like you are part of movement or something . You say hello to a few that you know. But when it goes wrong and you have to see that person again and again that can kind of suck.
I had a weird experience on Friday night at S&M club. I ended up spanking the same guy twice during the course of the night. He bought me a drink and then he was like you don't have to stick around so I didn't. I just had this odd picture in my head - young lady you will spank for alcohol and you like anonymity of it all.
I do quite like spanking strangers and maybe that whats I should be doing - very little private play if any at all, reading s&m books and spanking strangers in s&m clubs. I don't really like to be close to people. I find it too painful if things go tits up which they tend to do as that's my character.
I am just the type of person who needs to see fresh faces and fresh places from time to time. I also like being alone as well, I think I have been missing out on my alone time which helps me build a strength of character .
In other news I found I have to have a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy to find out why I have been having pain during the sex. This isn't great news but hopefully at the end of it I might be able to resume some kind of normal sex life if the procedure is successful. The worse result will be they cant find anything and I will have to consider taking painkillers before sex.
It would be nice to have sex again although in my current state I think I have almost started to put my pussy on pedestal and even considering saving sex for someone I love. The last couple of people I have been involved with I haven't fucked. So went it goes tits up. I feel quite smug that they didn't get to fuck me.
But as I can be so difficult to be with and I pick the wrong men. Will I even find someone I love ?
.
I will have to see the Dungeon Dragon at event later this week and honestly I don't even know if I really care anymore. I tend to get upset and then rebound from being upset and find a way to explain to myself that its really not that bad and things could be a lot worse.
I don't know if I am really having a good time on the scene anymore. I need to keep an eye on this.
Its quite de javu ish ( I made up a word lol) . You go to same places and see the same people a lot of the time which is really nice most of the time. You feel like you are part of movement or something . You say hello to a few that you know. But when it goes wrong and you have to see that person again and again that can kind of suck.
I had a weird experience on Friday night at S&M club. I ended up spanking the same guy twice during the course of the night. He bought me a drink and then he was like you don't have to stick around so I didn't. I just had this odd picture in my head - young lady you will spank for alcohol and you like anonymity of it all.
I do quite like spanking strangers and maybe that whats I should be doing - very little private play if any at all, reading s&m books and spanking strangers in s&m clubs. I don't really like to be close to people. I find it too painful if things go tits up which they tend to do as that's my character.
I am just the type of person who needs to see fresh faces and fresh places from time to time. I also like being alone as well, I think I have been missing out on my alone time which helps me build a strength of character .
In other news I found I have to have a hysteroscopy and laparoscopy to find out why I have been having pain during the sex. This isn't great news but hopefully at the end of it I might be able to resume some kind of normal sex life if the procedure is successful. The worse result will be they cant find anything and I will have to consider taking painkillers before sex.
It would be nice to have sex again although in my current state I think I have almost started to put my pussy on pedestal and even considering saving sex for someone I love. The last couple of people I have been involved with I haven't fucked. So went it goes tits up. I feel quite smug that they didn't get to fuck me.
But as I can be so difficult to be with and I pick the wrong men. Will I even find someone I love ?
.
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