I havent blogged for a while as I have been busy. Im still temping in Mental Health I enjoy it although its not a real job it flexiable. I am happy to be studying at Uni. I love learning and im so happy to be there. Im still indulging in bdsm scene. I am happy doing that although I am still trying to figure out what I want out of it. Do I want to be a good mistress as its a challenge to learn new skills and almost play a character and tease and torture a sub. BDSM has given me a taste of being in control and I like being in control. . Its not about sex for me. In fact I get off on not fucking the people I play with. Fucking someone makes me emotionally vunerable. I like to pretend that about to give my sub a blow job and the pull away and say you havent earned it. I had something not work out with sub earlier this year so I wrote some rules to protect myself and they really work.
But for now I will be probably sticking to two experienced play partners and meeting new people and making friends and reading about bdsm. I dont feel overwhelming need to play privately with lots of partners.
I still feel a need to follow my other interests movies, live music, art and have long conversations with friends over dinner and wine.
The boy and I are still playing games I turn 31 next Sunday. He turned 31 last month. I wished him happy birthday. He didnt respond. I blocked him on msn messenger for two weeks. Then out of the blue he sent a message saying that he wanted to be with me. But it would have to be with 100% commitment and I think he almost suggested between the lines moving back in wih me . This doesnt work for me right now. I am exploring the fetish scene and I am having fun. I cant give it up for a man who wont cuddle after sex and doesnt even want to sleep in the same bed with me. So I responded We could try again maybe you spend the evening once or twice a month thats it and we could see how it goes. He hasnt really properly responded to this suggestion. I changed my msn messenger profile pic to the famous pop art - Oh Jeff I love you to but ....
Its true I do love him even thou he is fucked up. He is the only man I will ever truly love.I dont think I will ever open my heart again. I dont think I could take another failed romance.
But im not in love with him anymore. I dont know if I will ever love anyone else I have a tendency to not really be in the moment with guys I meet. I dont take anyone seriously. Before its even started I expect them to disappoint me somewhere along the line and not for it to last.
I decided to follow my instincts with men. Look for the signs they are almost always there and follow my instincts. This really does work I dont chase men anymore trying to make something happen.
I have no expectations anymore . I am happier for it. I dont attempt to make something happen. If someone likes you they will show you.
- No Sleepovers.
- Londoners only.
- 2-4 play sessions before ending it.
- 1 pre play drink - I need to get a sense of the sub and not be their new bbf.
- Meeting on the scene party/ munches or other location stipulated by me.
- No accomodating.
But for now I will be probably sticking to two experienced play partners and meeting new people and making friends and reading about bdsm. I dont feel overwhelming need to play privately with lots of partners.
I still feel a need to follow my other interests movies, live music, art and have long conversations with friends over dinner and wine.
The boy and I are still playing games I turn 31 next Sunday. He turned 31 last month. I wished him happy birthday. He didnt respond. I blocked him on msn messenger for two weeks. Then out of the blue he sent a message saying that he wanted to be with me. But it would have to be with 100% commitment and I think he almost suggested between the lines moving back in wih me . This doesnt work for me right now. I am exploring the fetish scene and I am having fun. I cant give it up for a man who wont cuddle after sex and doesnt even want to sleep in the same bed with me. So I responded We could try again maybe you spend the evening once or twice a month thats it and we could see how it goes. He hasnt really properly responded to this suggestion. I changed my msn messenger profile pic to the famous pop art - Oh Jeff I love you to but ....
Its true I do love him even thou he is fucked up. He is the only man I will ever truly love.I dont think I will ever open my heart again. I dont think I could take another failed romance.
But im not in love with him anymore. I dont know if I will ever love anyone else I have a tendency to not really be in the moment with guys I meet. I dont take anyone seriously. Before its even started I expect them to disappoint me somewhere along the line and not for it to last.
I decided to follow my instincts with men. Look for the signs they are almost always there and follow my instincts. This really does work I dont chase men anymore trying to make something happen.
I have no expectations anymore . I am happier for it. I dont attempt to make something happen. If someone likes you they will show you.
