Sometimes it helps to talk to a friend

I quit my stressful job as emergency call taker in October . I did for six years .  I quit  because I wanted to go University in 2013. I wanted to have a good career. I hope  to  do a certificate of  higher education -  Introductory Studies. It involves studying one main module and 4 or 5  other modules  that you pick. I am thinking about  Business Studies, Psychology,  Professional & Creative Writing. Although at 30 I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I am hoping that by the end of this I will have a better idea of where I want to go next in life. I could of stayed in my old job earning good money, but I felt like I was going nowhere in my life. So I made a decision to change my life. I don't know how this will pan out. But I don't think I will regret my situation. I am giving myself 3 months to find a new job.

 I am doing some admin temping part time  at the moment to top my savings up . Its a role in mental health so  I don't think its cool to talk about on here so I wont..

In May  2012 I started to indulge in S&M scene. It started with going to Club Pedestal. I wanted to go for years. But I could never find anyone to go with. But I managed to arrange it as meet up via meetup.com  ( an open minded group which has since closed)

 I had a good time at Club Pedestal and I started  to think about Female Domination and if I could do it and what would I do. I joined Fetlife had fun email conversations with a few people  which mostly lead nowhere. I met one lunatic who seem perfectly normal on the phone as we spoke a few times before meeting. We were suppose to go for a dinner and a drink. We ended up going to local park we chatted then he started to act weird. He was aggressive and his tone of voice changed it was almost like he became a different person. At one point grabbed my face and asked me to look into his eyes and repeat what he said. He said he was doing it to build my confidence. I  was more than a little freaked out. But I felt like I should not cause a scene. We then ended up walking to another park and then he pulled his cock and told me that I own it now.  The evening eventually came to an end but not before him asking if wanted to be spit roasted by him and his friend . At the DLR station  He was like text me when you get in so I know you got home safe.  I did text him when I got in  -  I'm home  - interesting evening . He called me I never answered. He continued to call me and text me and email me weeks later. Then he stopped then I saw him at Kink Bar. I thought he didn't recognise me as  my hair was different but that evening I got an email via fetlife  - It was really good to see you. At  that point I blocked him on Fetlife. This isn't the first lunatic I have encountered on there. I had a guy rant at me on msn messenger   for over 20 minutes . because I said I wanted to go University. So now I'm a bit wary about responding to messages  from people on fetlife. I have also stated in my profile if you aren't on the scene don't respond to my ad.  I prefer to meet people on the scene and connect on Fetlife afterwards.

So far I have I had two subs who I met on the scene . Both are good fun. Its so nice to be in control and to have the power. I tend to get them naked, blindfold them, spank them hard, massage them, maybe use a  gag or handcuffs and use vibrators on them, scratch my nails on their back,  maybe feed them little bits of sweet stuff. I'm still a bit of pleasure and pain mistress, But I think as time goes on I will change what I do. I'm reading a lot of s&;m books and learning slowly. I have some rope and  I want to learn rope bondage. A guy I met at pedestal ( with 20 years s&;m scene experience)  is going to help teach me. I'm also going to submit to him. I'm a bit scared but I know he wont hurt and me. Plus I have to complete a negotiation document prior to play.

I didn't think I was going to sub again. My last experience five years ago ended in a mild panic attack after my master left me restrained to bed for over 25 minutes and I just started to panic. I was going thru a lot at issues at that time. Looking back I should of never been playing in that state

The reason I was inspired to sub again was that I went wildest s&m private party in my life. There were drugs - Coke, Ketamine, E.  I got offered half an e tablet ,but decided it wasn't the right time.It had a fully stocked dungeon and medical room. I ended up getting my feet massaged and snogging a guy and jerking him off. He wanted to go down on me. But I wasn't in the mood. I was quite drunk but I think he was at the party with his cousin who attempted to convince me. He doesn't like sex as it hurts his penis so that I would let him go down on me. He was here on holiday till Tuesday, He gave me his number.He did call me. I didn't call back.I did get snogged by a random girl. I also got told off by a mistress as I missed my flogging target. I was warming up a sub for the cane but missed.. She wanted me to get on the bench for six flogs I refused as I was shy and drunk and didn't want to feel any pain at that moment. Later she told that I should of get on the bench as the scene is very cliquey. But I'm not sure how much I'm going to be on the scene and even the private party scene.But it was a turn on to watch people get whipped and spanked and it reminded me of when I was a sub and  how I use feel after  a good spanking a mix a joy and feeling powerful that I survived and it also  made me feel so strong.

Living Life

I havent blogged for months . I have been living my life. But I felt it was important to update my blog . So that when I read it back in ten years time. I will know what happened in 2012.

 I will have to put my business on back burner. Its something whch will be a long term project. I am going to do it slowly and build up. Its not easy but I think I have a good idea and I want to make it work. I had a falling out with my web designer so I am starting again with a more basic website design.  I am reading books and learning about business.  I would love to make this work and become a business woman.
I am also putting effort into finding another job. I realise its time to do something new and challenge myself.
I am writing again which so good I am feeling so inspired to write again. I still want to go to Uni but I have no idea when it will happen. I have been hanging with friends going to live music and cinema,etc. I feel a tendency to want to spend more time with my single friends and less with married friends or friends with kids. I guess subconciously I must think the same kind should stick together  - single people hang with single people.

 I also had the opportunity to go a female domination nght at a club. It was cool. I saw things that made me stare and I didnt understand everything I witnessed.  But I would go again, I am intriguied and I want to explore this path. I think its first kinky thing I have done in a while. I got my feet massaged a few times by some guys and spanked a cute blond guy with my whip. The cute blond guy who attempted to go down me to thank me. But I didnt feel it was right as it was towards the end of my time of the month (period). But it felt good to be naughty.

I went on holiday to Cancun. It was so beautiful. I  did the normal tourist thing - Congo Bongo, Pirate Ship, Chichen Itza, Dolphin Encounter. I must go back to Cancun it feels like paradise.  I loved going to beach and drinking  Sol Beer and lying on a sun lounger. I uploaded my holiday pics. The Ex saw them and IM me that He said  Im glad you had  a nice time on holiday and you are looking good. It made me smile. I really dont see us ever getting back together or making it work. But I do hope we could be friends. I cant afford to waste anymore time with the Ex. I need to socialise meet new  people and grow as a person.

I have learned to ride a bike now so that it another thing I can do to get some exercise and feel alive . I know I want to travel more and I am now  looking at ways to make it more affordable. I think  about my future all the time now that im 30. I can never see kids but  sometimes I see a partner. I see myself traveling the world and pushng myself hard to achieve everything I want.

Its been a while

Its been  a while since I last blogged. The guy I mentioned on Why do boys from your past always try to contact youwho ended after the first date is still sniffing around.so who knows. Not much has happened apart from  I set up my own online virtual assistant business. I spent a long time organising my business and doing research so my blog got neglected. I have always dreamed of setting up my own business so now my dream has come true I am putting the work in to make it happen. I have been  doing a bit networking and thinking about where to advertise. I went to an event where I did an elevator pitch for my company. The pitch was OK  but I felt I could of done better. I feel like people understood what my company did.But I will learn from my experience. So next time I do a pitch I will speak from the heart and keep very brief bullet point notes. I'm a very excited to have my own business and I will  update my blog with my challenges & triumphs.

 In other news the Ex popped on my msn messenger I thought I had blocked him from contacting  me. The msn messenger  box taunted me in the corner of my so I responded. We spoke for an hour or less. He said he dropped his phone and lost all his numbers and couldn't contact me that why I haven't heard from for 5  months. He asked me if I had text him.  I told him I hadn't he seemed surprised  that I hadn't. Because the last time we spent time together it was a very nice experience. But now I am so used to him ignoring me he feels like I don't go out of my way to contact him. During our conversation he dropped a bombshell. He said he had been diagnosed with Autism. I think there is  a 30 % chance he is telling the truth. Because it would explain some of his odd behaviour. But  I think he admitted that he was a compulsive liar and a sex addict that would make more sense. The Ex has told me so many lies that I cant believe a word he says at this point. Even thou I miss him I cant risk my sanity by getting involved with him anymore.

The last thing is I am very nearly riding my bike. It has been a challenge but I am so near. I am glad I set myself the challenge of learning to ride a by as an adult.