After the issues I have been having with friends over the past couple months . I have decided to be celibate till 2 July 2012. I will be selfish for a while and focus on my spirtual journey and exercise and weight loss and focus on the things I want to experience in my life. The celibacy it just to help me be more focused on myself than sex and relationships with others.
Wednesday, 10 August 2011
I cant help you , if you wont help yourself
For the past couple of months I have been trying my best to help a childhood friend who has sexually assaulted and racially abused a few years ago. I understand the trauma never leaves you. My friend and I don't have the best history and she hasn't always been a good friend to me and acted towards me in a way that I perceived to be malicious. But I couldn't be sure at the time so I let it slide. She borrowed some money from me which she hasn't returned which also was an issue between us. Despite this I really tried to encourage her to get help for her anger issues and counseling for the sexual assault. I sent her emails with information asking her to specify what she wanted from a counsellor. She would send me very negative texts and I would have to be positive and try to get her to consider another way of thinking. I gave her a diary to write down her thoughts and feelings so they wouldn't always be swimming around in her head. She would send me texts saying she wanted to try various activities - kickboxing,driving lessons, invest in wine,etc and she wanted us to move to Jamaica to set up a business. Then she got herself arrested twice within the space of a couple of months. The second time she asked for me to be informed. The call went to voicemail as I was at work.
I called back and I spoke to custody sarg who told me the call was information only no action is required. She will contact when she is released. This incident lit a spark with her. She text me asking why didn't I pick up my phone , I advised her I have to keep my phone on silent at work and I check messages when I get them. I advised her I did call and speak to the custody sarg - he said the call was for info only. She started to accuse me of being a fake friend. I advised her again I did callback and I didn't ignore the call. I don't understand what else did she expected me to do. She didn't address what I said she text back the custody sarg was cunt. I didn't hear from her for a few weeks. She then text me that she was considering auditioning to sing for a jazz star backing band, would I videotape her, I agreed but said she needed to get a video camera as I didn't have one. She asked about which Uni I wanted to go to and when was I thinking of going. I told her I was still undecided. She said she would be in touch when she had a video camera.
But on Monday night She did something that made me so mad that I lost my patience with her. She made really inappropriate comment about the London riots I told her comments were inappropriate and I didn't have time for them right now.I was at work dealing with real consequences of riots and people who were really scared. She went mad. She started sending me abusive texts calling me fat and ugly and dumb saying I was selfish and the same birth sign as the guy that raped her , she hoped I got raped. I had no decorum ( lol) and lots of other stuff which I read and deleted. I initially to told her to fuck off and don't not text me again. I then followed that up with do not text, email or contact me again. I'm not angry or upset by her comments they are not a true reflection of me. So now I think we are no longer friends ???? . I did try to help her but people with problems have to help themselves. You cant do for them.
I called back and I spoke to custody sarg who told me the call was information only no action is required. She will contact when she is released. This incident lit a spark with her. She text me asking why didn't I pick up my phone , I advised her I have to keep my phone on silent at work and I check messages when I get them. I advised her I did call and speak to the custody sarg - he said the call was for info only. She started to accuse me of being a fake friend. I advised her again I did callback and I didn't ignore the call. I don't understand what else did she expected me to do. She didn't address what I said she text back the custody sarg was cunt. I didn't hear from her for a few weeks. She then text me that she was considering auditioning to sing for a jazz star backing band, would I videotape her, I agreed but said she needed to get a video camera as I didn't have one. She asked about which Uni I wanted to go to and when was I thinking of going. I told her I was still undecided. She said she would be in touch when she had a video camera.
But on Monday night She did something that made me so mad that I lost my patience with her. She made really inappropriate comment about the London riots I told her comments were inappropriate and I didn't have time for them right now.I was at work dealing with real consequences of riots and people who were really scared. She went mad. She started sending me abusive texts calling me fat and ugly and dumb saying I was selfish and the same birth sign as the guy that raped her , she hoped I got raped. I had no decorum ( lol) and lots of other stuff which I read and deleted. I initially to told her to fuck off and don't not text me again. I then followed that up with do not text, email or contact me again. I'm not angry or upset by her comments they are not a true reflection of me. So now I think we are no longer friends ???? . I did try to help her but people with problems have to help themselves. You cant do for them.
The delicate nature of friendship
Its been a strange couple of months and I almost felt like I had lost my way and I didnt know where to turn and if I was ever going to feel better. I finally cut ties with the Ex this time its for good. He really tried to stay in my life but only so he continue to use me for sex when he felt like it. I knew this would destroy me. So I told him I need space and he has stopped texting me and this time I know he will never text me again. It makes me feel a little sad but ultimately its for the best.
The next little hiccup came almost out of the blue I was knocked sideways. I had been trying to get in contact with a longterm friend that I had known from primary school. In March or April she was suppose to be coming over for dinner but cancelled about 2 hours before I had already started to cook so when I got the voicemail I was annoyed and when she called back after I text her. I didnt answer as I was too upset. We arranged to do it another time. A couple weeks later I got a voicemail from her saying call me asap. I was at work when I got the message. I had no credit and from the tone of her voice it didnt sound like a dire emergency so I called her that evening when I got home from my house phone and left a message. A few days later I left another message as I hadnt heard back from her. The from time to time I would leave a voicemail. One day I got thru to her I said hello __________ its me and then line appeared to cut out when I tried to callback it just rang and rang. I didnt really know what to think at this stage. It just seem strange but I my friend had had issues with her phone before so I put it down to that. A few weeks later I called again after getting no response. I deleted her number I just got tired of all this. A month or 2 later I remembered I had a brolly and 2 dvds that she leant me. I decided to leave a message for her at workplace basically say I will drop your stuff off at work for you to collect let me know if you want me to do that . I hadnt heard back a few weeks later so I called to leave another message to say I was dropping the stuff off. I called I was put thru to the office. After I started to speak , her colleague gasped and said I passed your previous message and ________ has requested that you leave no further mesages for her. I was shocked I hung up the phone. I sat in stunned silence for a while. It would make a lot more sense if we had a big row or I had done something which I needed to apologise for. But Im not even sure what I did. I sent the stuff to her workplace in the post a few days later. Its strange thou she was a great support when I was going thru stuff with the Ex and I may not of made it without her, she saved my life and encouraged me to get the help I needed. She would let into exhibitions where she worked for free. She was a very good friend. I will miss her from time to time. But when I think all this. I am reminded about a saying about friendship - Some friends are for a reason, some friends are for a season and some friends are for life.
The next little hiccup came almost out of the blue I was knocked sideways. I had been trying to get in contact with a longterm friend that I had known from primary school. In March or April she was suppose to be coming over for dinner but cancelled about 2 hours before I had already started to cook so when I got the voicemail I was annoyed and when she called back after I text her. I didnt answer as I was too upset. We arranged to do it another time. A couple weeks later I got a voicemail from her saying call me asap. I was at work when I got the message. I had no credit and from the tone of her voice it didnt sound like a dire emergency so I called her that evening when I got home from my house phone and left a message. A few days later I left another message as I hadnt heard back from her. The from time to time I would leave a voicemail. One day I got thru to her I said hello __________ its me and then line appeared to cut out when I tried to callback it just rang and rang. I didnt really know what to think at this stage. It just seem strange but I my friend had had issues with her phone before so I put it down to that. A few weeks later I called again after getting no response. I deleted her number I just got tired of all this. A month or 2 later I remembered I had a brolly and 2 dvds that she leant me. I decided to leave a message for her at workplace basically say I will drop your stuff off at work for you to collect let me know if you want me to do that . I hadnt heard back a few weeks later so I called to leave another message to say I was dropping the stuff off. I called I was put thru to the office. After I started to speak , her colleague gasped and said I passed your previous message and ________ has requested that you leave no further mesages for her. I was shocked I hung up the phone. I sat in stunned silence for a while. It would make a lot more sense if we had a big row or I had done something which I needed to apologise for. But Im not even sure what I did. I sent the stuff to her workplace in the post a few days later. Its strange thou she was a great support when I was going thru stuff with the Ex and I may not of made it without her, she saved my life and encouraged me to get the help I needed. She would let into exhibitions where she worked for free. She was a very good friend. I will miss her from time to time. But when I think all this. I am reminded about a saying about friendship - Some friends are for a reason, some friends are for a season and some friends are for life.
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