Wrong end of the stick

It turns out I got the wrong end of the stick with Rollerboy, he wasn't trying to end our friendship. But was actually having some real personal problems. I have made things a lot worse by emailing him asking him for recommendations for in line skating and web designers. I know he wont forgive and I actually think he shouldn't. I had a similar falling out with my half brother I jumped to conclusions and then emailed these conclusion to him- he hit the roof and said some mean things to me. We tried to patch it up but  our relationship never really recovered from it and we are no longer in contact.  I need to learn that not everyone is the same and not everyone is trying to take me  for a ride. I think years of bad experiences with men made me think I knew what was happening. Maybe this is good thing and I will learn my lesson and stop jump to conclusions and just wait and see what happens.

My skating lesson was a disaster  I smacked the back of  head on concrete  but I was wearing a helmet.  I was asked to sit out the class as I was too slow. I need private lessons which will cost although the first one will be free.  My neck is a bit sore. I keep thinking what if I wasn't wearing a helmet I could of really hurt myself.

Learning a Lesson

Im hoping to have my first inline skating lesson tomorrow. Im very nervous but looking forward to the challenge. I just tried my skates out on my balcony and fell on butt. It hasnt put me off I figure worse that can happen is that I fall over again. I think it will take a long time to get good but I need this little challenges to make life interesting.

Thought of the day

Its funny how a ray of sunshine can turn to a streak of piss. Im still feeling raw about rollerboy . I decided that a suitable nickname for him . I want him to get in touch even thou I know he wont. Everytime I check my inbox and there is no email from him my heart sinks a little. I know I will feel better in a couple of weeks but its that misery stage and working through it.

I went to see a play at soho theatre tonight - hundreds & thousands its about a woman who moves in with her boyfriend who lives in the country and then discovers his little secret. It was dark  and intense but I enjoyed it. It made me think about myself and love and what I would do for love.  Its made feel more desperate to get away from the Ex before he damages me emotionally. I really need sometime away from men so I can focus on me.

Its all bit fucked but I keep smiling

Well things have gone a bit fucked with ____ I was kind of in a casual relationship/ just friends thing. Im exhausted but most of all im angry with myself that I was so easily led.  But I have learned a life lesson dont listen to what people say but watch  their actions and never do anything to try a save a relationship.HE encouraged me to register a domain name and  made promises to help me set up a business website and host. He also promised to teach me inline skating as he is qualified instructor. He encouraged me to buy skates costing more than £80 and I did. I bought the skates so that he could teach me and we would have something in common. _____ stood me up last week with an reasonable excuse. However he also sent an email trying to cancel meeting up after we were suppose to be meeting  up, school boy error.
But I could just tell it was over there was no real apology and nothing said about arranging another time. So I responded get in touch when you sort your problems out, good luck . I have deleted his number and email.   I have felt a little sad since,but I will get over. Im not expecting a reappearance but with men you never can tell.

Im still going to learn how to inline skate so it wont be a completly loss cause, Im still going to set up my business too. But now I will have to sort it out myself which is probably for the best.

In other the news the Ex who cant stop lying is back on the scene, he texts me constanly pretending to care but all really wants to do is get laid and then fuck off again . He admits he lied about getting married and girlfriend who is expecting and moving to Canada.Despite the fact I know he nearly destroyed me Im considering seeing him again. I must be a sadist, Im likely to get hurt again if I get involved with him.In fact if I get back with him I am a complete idiot.

My friend says I pick the wrong men and I think she is right. She also states she thinks  I suffer  from low self esteem and this is why I keep settling for less. I dont think she is right about that. I settle for less as Im trying to make things less complicated and I want my freedom. I like sex but I dont always want to be serious relationship to have it. I dont always want to be dealing with the ups and downs of another person. Im selfish . But I think Im not very good at reading when  people are genuine and I make mistakes. Im tired of making mistakes with men. I think I need a long break.