This morning I went to life drawing class with classical music playing in background . It was so nice to get in touch with my creative side and use colour and be completely absorbed in an activity and thinking of nothing else. I might post my drawing on the blog in near future
Saturday, 28 May 2011
Just Friends
I think I confused my fuck buddy this week. I didn't mean to but I did. I think we are more in the buddy zone than fuck zone. The last time he came over we talked for hours and didn't fuck or get close to it. I tired on his inline skates fell over and brought him down with me. It was kind of fun. He said he needed time to seduce me so that's why we were not doing it that day. But I got into this to at least get laid more than once a month and so far I haven't been getting any. He is kind of cool and has offered to help me set up my website and host it for my online business and teach me to inline skate.
I was in bed this week and I just started to think what a great person he is and how he has helped me so much. I felt I wanted to let him know as life is too short not praise someone who is making your life better. So I sent him the following text - Hi ___ pls note I'm absolutely terrified of expressing any kind of emotion towards u incase i scare the crap out of u which i probably will. But I'm really glad i met u even thou I'm scared to say it i feel the need to let u know.
All was trying to say was I was glad I had met him as a friend although I realise now my opening comments were a bit wordy and confusing . However he read into this that I wanted or was looking for a relationship. He started stating he wasn't sure what he was looking for in terms of a relationship and he wasn't sure he was ready for one right now and we are just friends. But he was glad he met me too. But something about seeing those words in black & white text woke me up a little. Maybe I had been reading in too much into his behaviour. I didn't want and do not want to be in a relationship with him.as it would prevent me from focusing on myself fully and being selfish when I want to be . I feel trapped and get very stressed in relationships .
I don't feel ready to be in a relationship either so I text him back the same, telling him to relax and all I was trying to say is that he is a ray of sunshine and has opened my mind.But now when I think of him I think of Jarvis Cocker song - Don't let him waste your time. I can almost see Jarvis on stage and singing that song to me. (I think I want to go to Wireless to see Pulp. I loved Pulp back in the day). I feel like I could of wasted a lot of time with ___ but now I know where I stand.
I feel free to see those words just friends in print. I don't have to be too worried if I don't see him for a month.
I don't have to make any effort to see him. I can focus on seeing my other friends and doing the things I want to do and if another guy comes a long. I don't have to feel guilty for talking to him or doing anything with him if I want to . As____and me are just friends. Its always good to know where you stand with a guy so you don't develop some wild fantasy that something is going somewhere when it going absolutely nowhere. ; )
I was in bed this week and I just started to think what a great person he is and how he has helped me so much. I felt I wanted to let him know as life is too short not praise someone who is making your life better. So I sent him the following text - Hi ___ pls note I'm absolutely terrified of expressing any kind of emotion towards u incase i scare the crap out of u which i probably will. But I'm really glad i met u even thou I'm scared to say it i feel the need to let u know.
All was trying to say was I was glad I had met him as a friend although I realise now my opening comments were a bit wordy and confusing . However he read into this that I wanted or was looking for a relationship. He started stating he wasn't sure what he was looking for in terms of a relationship and he wasn't sure he was ready for one right now and we are just friends. But he was glad he met me too. But something about seeing those words in black & white text woke me up a little. Maybe I had been reading in too much into his behaviour. I didn't want and do not want to be in a relationship with him.as it would prevent me from focusing on myself fully and being selfish when I want to be . I feel trapped and get very stressed in relationships .
I don't feel ready to be in a relationship either so I text him back the same, telling him to relax and all I was trying to say is that he is a ray of sunshine and has opened my mind.But now when I think of him I think of Jarvis Cocker song - Don't let him waste your time. I can almost see Jarvis on stage and singing that song to me. (I think I want to go to Wireless to see Pulp. I loved Pulp back in the day). I feel like I could of wasted a lot of time with ___ but now I know where I stand.
I feel free to see those words just friends in print. I don't have to be too worried if I don't see him for a month.
I don't have to make any effort to see him. I can focus on seeing my other friends and doing the things I want to do and if another guy comes a long. I don't have to feel guilty for talking to him or doing anything with him if I want to . As____and me are just friends. Its always good to know where you stand with a guy so you don't develop some wild fantasy that something is going somewhere when it going absolutely nowhere. ; )
End of era
3 weeks after the Ex told he was moving to Canada. He contacted me again asking me lots of questions about that night. It seemed bizarre that he remembered something that I hadn't really thought about at all. I guess I had put it to the back of mind and filed it as history. He seemed eager for a repeat performance constantly texting me. I knocked him back the first time he asked. The second time he constantly texted me to the point it was almost annoying . He ended it with I am outside your place . I relented and let him sleep with me again.
The sex activity wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. I felt absolute nothing really and just wanted it to be over so that he would go away and I could go to sleep. I was tired it was 1.30am in the morning.He promised we could meet for Coffee before he left and he would give me my ds back. I didn't hold my breath and expected him to let me down again.He contacted me a few days later in the evening not really a suitable time for coffee. He seemed to want to screw me again. I didn't want to so I said I didn't want to. I told him that I thought we should call it quits for good. I think his response was ok. I felt relieved it was all over now. I did text him a few days later about my ds. I didn't get a response. I assume he is in Canada now and I hope he is happy.
The sex activity wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. I felt absolute nothing really and just wanted it to be over so that he would go away and I could go to sleep. I was tired it was 1.30am in the morning.He promised we could meet for Coffee before he left and he would give me my ds back. I didn't hold my breath and expected him to let me down again.He contacted me a few days later in the evening not really a suitable time for coffee. He seemed to want to screw me again. I didn't want to so I said I didn't want to. I told him that I thought we should call it quits for good. I think his response was ok. I felt relieved it was all over now. I did text him a few days later about my ds. I didn't get a response. I assume he is in Canada now and I hope he is happy.
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