Babies , Babies , Babies

Sometimes I feel like life changes too quickly. Two of my  friends have announced they are  expecting babies and I'm really happy for them. I know our friendship will change now. I know I will never be a member of the Mummy club. I wonder if  I will regret it. I don't think I will. I get scared that I'm setting myself up for a lonely life with no babies. I know that I could never be a mother. I cant make the sacrifices of parenthood. I cant stand the sound of a  crying baby, it does something to my  soul. The sound disturbs my soul its one of the  most disturbing noises to me.  Parenthood is not for me. One of my friends is always trying to trick me into admitting that I might have a baby one day. But it will never happen. I just cant see kids in my future. When I think about my future  I see a 2 bed flat or house in Southeast London. Lots of travel and new experiences and friends .  I have recently started to see a dog. I think he is king charles spaniel with long brown ears. I sometimes see a partner.

My aunt who is her late 40's maybe having a baby as she waits to hear from her egg donor by the end of the month. I have expressed my concern as I don't think its a good idea. I told her I didn't approve and I would not be baby sitting for her ever. I think she realised how against this I am. It has put a wedge between us as she knows I don't approve. I even tried to tell my Grandad what she is planning to do. But he didn't understand the concept of a egg donor. So I said no more . My cousin doesn't approve either but she hasn't said anything to her, so my aunt thinks she has her support.

I think that having a baby is a huge life changing thing, I'm just not sure she should be doing it at her age. Maybe I'm selfish thinking that she wont be able to care or help me as much. But   I'm 29 years old this month.  I need to take of myself I'm a grown up. I think I'm  concerned that something will happen to her and I will get lumbered with this child. I don't want children, I want my freedom and always will.  I don't want raise anyone else baby. I guess I just worry that she is making the wrong decision which she will not be able to reverse.