Feeling a bit mixed up

Over the last couple of months I started living with someone for the first time in my life .I moaned to friends about his bad habits and then did some snopping around and discovered somethings I wished I hadnt discovered and that I could of been told about upfront,but life isnt like that. Life can be painful and unpredictable . The things I discovered have sent me on journey of self discovery and now I see things from a different point of view, but sometimes I wonder if my point of view is really my point of view or has it been coloured by the other person.

Do I really believe it ok to have secrets from you partner ? Do you have to know your partner inside out? Do you have to intimate all the time to show the other person you still fancy them and care about them? Do you have to go on dates ? Do you have to meet your partner friends?
I believe that you if you give every little bit of yourself to your partner and they leave you if can be crushing. I dont want to be crushed at all. I like my privacy and I like to have secrets. I have secrets and I dont think there is anyone in my life who knows everything little thing about me. I wonder if my if my expectations have been coloured by too many movies . The one thing I feel that I was in rush to make things happen I wanted so much all at once. I think I ruined it and I share a certain amount of responsiblity for the pain I feel, because I did it to myself. Sometimes I feel like I made so mistakes that its best if I start with someone fresh, but I dont think I have any emotional energy left to consider dating anyone else for a while, but remain open to option of shag lol.

The Seven Things I want

There are 8 things I want in my life and I wonder if I will ever get them.
The 8 things are

1) To lose weight - I know lots of girls say this but I actually need to. I think so many issues are linked to my weight. I know im on the right path my diet has been bettter than it has been for years. Im no longer an emotional eater but I can still be and emotional drinker if upset. Im doing exercise dvds at home including the biggest loser and hannah waterman.

2) I would like to an ECDL course I have a good knowledge of computers but I have no qualification

3) I want to get a new job in Admin or Events. I have wanted to work in events for a while I think it would be the best use of my skills.


4) Learn how to drive - I want to learn to drive as skill I dont think I would want to drive everywhere but to have the skill.

5) A Degree in English I would love to study the English Language. I have always enjoyed reading and writing and learning new things.


6) Work on my plays. I have many ideas and I need to find focus to make some moves and get some feedback on my ideas.


7) Finish the homestudy creative writing course I started many years ago. I think this will be a difficult task but I think I can learn things that will help to improve my writing in the long term.

Im going to start blogging again

Its been a 2 year break Im now 28 and no wiser, so lets just see what happens