Red Flags

When I was a teenager. There used to be this PC game called Minefields. I loved playing it. I wasnt intially good at it. But as time went on I got better at reading the the clues and the red flags. Sometimes with men there are Red Flags,but for whatever reason you choose to ignore them. I have ignored many a red flag in my time. I suffer the consequences. I thought I was older and wiser. But it seems I have not being paying attention at all.I have being sulking for the best part of a week about a situation that was really my own fault. It has become crystal clear it was one night stand which I hate. I hate one night stands as I dislike racking up numbers unessarily

I hate when people lie to me. I lose all perception of what is the truth and what is a lie. It then becomes a lot easier to believe every word they say is a lie. I cant explain why I think like that. I do tell lies, Im not so naieve I realise that sometimes in life you have to lie . My anger and upset at being lied to does depend on the severity of the lie.

This morning the sulking turned into anger. I got on my msn and decided to change my screename.From the lovely mix of my two favourite musical artist to Iwill **** you, KT


Its funny it seemed like a attention seeking joke in my head. But in msn it looked violent and unpredictable. I had officially scared myself. I couldnt believe I was acting in this way. When did I start to think it was ok to make ambigious statements.So its a turning point. I finished with the sulking and the anger. Because it was going towards unpleasant terriorty. I will as Amy says - Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men.I have being putting too much of my energy into sex and men. It hasnt lead anywhere that great;And in some cases, It has being a huge waste of time.

Im going to put my energy into my writing and my career change. Recently I have being doubting if I have any writing talent at all. I have being thinking its pointless dream. But this has changed. I believe I do have something to say. I want to be a writer, so I need to get writing. Stay focus, it will probably mean less time for shagging. But im sure it will be worth it in the end.