I joined Passion.com in 2005 after a awful dating experience.Since then I have being on and off with Passion.com.I decided I wanted to nice part of a relationship. The sex and friendship, but I wasn't really interested in the other stuff that came with. I aimed to find a fuck buddy and learn what I liked and disliked about sex when I started out. But it hasn't being easy. Its being a roller coaster. Its has had ups and downs.You meet someone you fuck a couple times, then it goes down the drain for any number of reasons.
So you start the search again and you fuck another person and you're a sex mismatch so then you don't see them again. You spend ages chatting to someone on line and you meet.But after it goes quiet.You search again,and so on.The things is I'm really so tired of meeting men and chatting them and then maybe shagging them at some point . I'm so tired of process of meeting a stranger. I'm tired of feeling so nervous that I'm going to be sick. I'm also too scared these days, when I was younger I was so reckless with my personal safety. I look back and wonder what was I thinking.I'm just too scared to keep meeting men from this site ( passion.com). I just keep thinking the more you are doing this you are putting yourself at risk.I feel very vulnerable these days. I find it too exhausting to keep starting up with someone else, every time a fuck buddy bites the dust.
I realised I'm never going to get what I want from this site (passion.com). I will never find a regular fuck buddy on this site. Maybe I don't even want one anymore, I have to accept things have changed in my life. I have changed from the girl who joined this site, she was in a bit of messed up at the time.I love casual sex,but I'm no longer willing to search it out. So I'm going to turn my profile off, but keep my blog going.PS: I found out if I turn off my profile, my blog cant be viewed, so its back on but i have no intentions of meeting anyone its too much hard work
Thursday, 27 March 2008
Monday, 11 February 2008
Suspects Defence
At the moment there are two murder trials going on at the moment. A male accused of murdering five prostitutes and man accused of murdering a teenager girl outside of her home.As I used to work in a crown court I do admire our legal system. If I had more spare time I would spend a lot of time in public galleries of crown courts. Its very entertaining and sometimes heartbreaking to see the law in action.
Anyway I have digressed slighty let me get back on track. One of the suspects have come up defence which is shocking. It beggars believe that he expects people to believe his defence. He has stated he was high an cocaine and decided to have sex with a victim dead body but didn't murder her.
The suspect has 2 previous convictions for sexual assault. I don't believe his defence for one minute. But of course the decision of whether he is guilty or innocent doesn't lie with me, it lies with the jury.Sometimes the absolute bollocks suspects and their defence team present to media and the court; In defence of defendants seems laughable. But really it isn't funny at all.
Anyway I have digressed slighty let me get back on track. One of the suspects have come up defence which is shocking. It beggars believe that he expects people to believe his defence. He has stated he was high an cocaine and decided to have sex with a victim dead body but didn't murder her.
The suspect has 2 previous convictions for sexual assault. I don't believe his defence for one minute. But of course the decision of whether he is guilty or innocent doesn't lie with me, it lies with the jury.Sometimes the absolute bollocks suspects and their defence team present to media and the court; In defence of defendants seems laughable. But really it isn't funny at all.
Sharia Law in the UK
The thing I love about the UK. One person ( Dr Rowan Williams) makes a comment. Everybody starts getting their knickers in a twist. Everyone starts putting in their comments - including Number Ten, A Member of Parliament, The British Muslim Council. Migrationwatch.
Dr Williams made a suggestion to make accommodation for it. I do believe he may have a point. My friend who is into statistics told me in the next ten years the main religion of the UK could be Islam.Because Muslims are having more children than Christians.
So Islam will over take Christianity as the main religion.My personal opinion it that British Law should remain dominant. But as it looks like there will be change at some point. Because laws are linked to the religion of the country.
If main religion changes maybe there might have to be a change in the Law. I'm probably out of depth discussing this but I felt like talking about something different
Dr Williams made a suggestion to make accommodation for it. I do believe he may have a point. My friend who is into statistics told me in the next ten years the main religion of the UK could be Islam.Because Muslims are having more children than Christians.
So Islam will over take Christianity as the main religion.My personal opinion it that British Law should remain dominant. But as it looks like there will be change at some point. Because laws are linked to the religion of the country.
If main religion changes maybe there might have to be a change in the Law. I'm probably out of depth discussing this but I felt like talking about something different
Red Flags
When I was a teenager. There used to be this PC game called Minefields. I loved playing it. I wasnt intially good at it. But as time went on I got better at reading the the clues and the red flags. Sometimes with men there are Red Flags,but for whatever reason you choose to ignore them. I have ignored many a red flag in my time. I suffer the consequences. I thought I was older and wiser. But it seems I have not being paying attention at all.I have being sulking for the best part of a week about a situation that was really my own fault. It has become crystal clear it was one night stand which I hate. I hate one night stands as I dislike racking up numbers unessarily
I hate when people lie to me. I lose all perception of what is the truth and what is a lie. It then becomes a lot easier to believe every word they say is a lie. I cant explain why I think like that. I do tell lies, Im not so naieve I realise that sometimes in life you have to lie . My anger and upset at being lied to does depend on the severity of the lie.
This morning the sulking turned into anger. I got on my msn and decided to change my screename.From the lovely mix of my two favourite musical artist to Iwill **** you, KT
Its funny it seemed like a attention seeking joke in my head. But in msn it looked violent and unpredictable. I had officially scared myself. I couldnt believe I was acting in this way. When did I start to think it was ok to make ambigious statements.So its a turning point. I finished with the sulking and the anger. Because it was going towards unpleasant terriorty. I will as Amy says - Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men.I have being putting too much of my energy into sex and men. It hasnt lead anywhere that great;And in some cases, It has being a huge waste of time.
Im going to put my energy into my writing and my career change. Recently I have being doubting if I have any writing talent at all. I have being thinking its pointless dream. But this has changed. I believe I do have something to say. I want to be a writer, so I need to get writing. Stay focus, it will probably mean less time for shagging. But im sure it will be worth it in the end.
I hate when people lie to me. I lose all perception of what is the truth and what is a lie. It then becomes a lot easier to believe every word they say is a lie. I cant explain why I think like that. I do tell lies, Im not so naieve I realise that sometimes in life you have to lie . My anger and upset at being lied to does depend on the severity of the lie.
This morning the sulking turned into anger. I got on my msn and decided to change my screename.From the lovely mix of my two favourite musical artist to Iwill **** you, KT
Its funny it seemed like a attention seeking joke in my head. But in msn it looked violent and unpredictable. I had officially scared myself. I couldnt believe I was acting in this way. When did I start to think it was ok to make ambigious statements.So its a turning point. I finished with the sulking and the anger. Because it was going towards unpleasant terriorty. I will as Amy says - Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men.I have being putting too much of my energy into sex and men. It hasnt lead anywhere that great;And in some cases, It has being a huge waste of time.
Im going to put my energy into my writing and my career change. Recently I have being doubting if I have any writing talent at all. I have being thinking its pointless dream. But this has changed. I believe I do have something to say. I want to be a writer, so I need to get writing. Stay focus, it will probably mean less time for shagging. But im sure it will be worth it in the end.
Breaking All the Rules
I broke all my passion man meeting rules last week. I really felt awful after doing it. My rules were there to protect me and my sensitive soul. I have being so stupid,but its nothing that I wont get over.
The rules are
*Not having the sex the first time I meet someone
*Do not bring men to my flat
*Keep conversation light and fluffy and dont get to personal and dont share too much.
*Check he isnt just looking for a one night stand
In the morning I felt like shit. Because I had let a stranger in my house, being very open with him, fucked him and possibly let him have a one night stand with me.The sex was fab. I got explore spanking a man and putting a vibe in his ass.But being open and talking about personal things is to too much for fragile me to deal with.Im in two minds part of me thinks the whole thing was a routine that this guy does all the time. Part of me maybe it wasnt and Im being too harsh. He told me one lie and I cant stop thinking everything word he said was a lie. I found the pre amble to sex so invasive.
I felt stupid cos I was the one who called him after he emailed me. I was paying for the pleasure of talking to him. I feel stupid cos I suspected I might get hurt and I still went ahead and did it. I knew I had all these rules and they were for my protection. I know Im can be super sensitive. I knew that he would probably not respond my text as he done before.I knew I would probably never see him again.
Im not labeling him a bad person at all just not the right person for me to have sex with. He asks too many questions. But I do think he ran one of The Game Routines or one of those how to get laid books routines. He was elusive at times and a couple of weeks I nearly told him to fuck off. But stuck around for a rumour which turned to be a false.
In future I need to be stronger and stick to my rules. I need to be remember to stop sulking so much;As it could of being worse. He could of stole from me,he could of damaged my property turned nasty and beat me up. The only thing he did was fuck me and attempt to tell me I was special which I laughed off.Because I felt like it was insulting my intelligence.
The rules are
*Not having the sex the first time I meet someone
*Do not bring men to my flat
*Keep conversation light and fluffy and dont get to personal and dont share too much.
*Check he isnt just looking for a one night stand
In the morning I felt like shit. Because I had let a stranger in my house, being very open with him, fucked him and possibly let him have a one night stand with me.The sex was fab. I got explore spanking a man and putting a vibe in his ass.But being open and talking about personal things is to too much for fragile me to deal with.Im in two minds part of me thinks the whole thing was a routine that this guy does all the time. Part of me maybe it wasnt and Im being too harsh. He told me one lie and I cant stop thinking everything word he said was a lie. I found the pre amble to sex so invasive.
I felt stupid cos I was the one who called him after he emailed me. I was paying for the pleasure of talking to him. I feel stupid cos I suspected I might get hurt and I still went ahead and did it. I knew I had all these rules and they were for my protection. I know Im can be super sensitive. I knew that he would probably not respond my text as he done before.I knew I would probably never see him again.
Im not labeling him a bad person at all just not the right person for me to have sex with. He asks too many questions. But I do think he ran one of The Game Routines or one of those how to get laid books routines. He was elusive at times and a couple of weeks I nearly told him to fuck off. But stuck around for a rumour which turned to be a false.
In future I need to be stronger and stick to my rules. I need to be remember to stop sulking so much;As it could of being worse. He could of stole from me,he could of damaged my property turned nasty and beat me up. The only thing he did was fuck me and attempt to tell me I was special which I laughed off.Because I felt like it was insulting my intelligence.
New Year Resolutions 2008
Im feeling really hopefully about my resolutions this year. Im feeling reall optomistic about this year.My Resolutions are
- Eat less junk food
- Less visits to the supermarket - It has become a habit to go even when I dont really need anything
- Spend my money more wisely
- Try to read all the books I have purchased.
- Socialise More
- Stop wasting my time internet
- Spend less time on the internet
- Focus on my writing my fiction stories and try to complete my writing course to help with this.
- Learn how to touchtype
- Get a new job
- Stop drinking wine at home alone( hangovers are too much to bare)But feel free to drink other alcoholic drinks in small measures.
- Follow the Food Rules
2007 New Year Resoultion Passed or Failed
My New Year Resolution were, Im going to evaluate how well I did.
So I didnt do as well as I wanted. But I have 2008 to make the changes. New Year Resolution 2008 to follow
- Work on my self as a person/ read all the self help books I have purchased over the years -Failed
- Go clubbing more - Passed - went party island Ibiza
- Make more friends and have less lovers- This is part passed/failed. I didnt make many new friends. But I had a lot less lovers
- Wear short skirts and show off my great pins-Passed
- Learn to drive - Failed Exercise Regularly -Failed
- Focus on my writing course-Failed
- Look after myself -Failed- Must try harder
- Don't waste my money on stuff I don't need-Passed
- Let sleeping dogs lie -Passed
So I didnt do as well as I wanted. But I have 2008 to make the changes. New Year Resolution 2008 to follow
Dont think I will accomdate anymore.
I feel so reluctant to take anyone I meet from this site to my home. In my previous home when I lived with stepdad. I had a few experiences of men in my home and I never liked it. People cant help looking at pictures or things and making comments about things. I do admit that the men I let in my home were probably the worst kind. Things are a lot different now. But I remain very reluctant to bring anyone home.My new home feels so personal to me. Im not sure I want to have casual sex with anyone in my flat.
Letting a man come to my home makes me feel vunerable and exposed.Im really happy in my home and I dont want to make it a place I bring men. I dont want to get a repuation of girl who is always bring different men to her flat. I dont want to fill my flat with the memories of the men I fuck. I dont want anyone looking at my family pictures. I dont want anyone looking thru my dvd collection or bookshelf. I want to maintain an air of mystery.The alternative going to his home or a hotel. Going to his can be dangerous.
You hope you it will be fine. But you never can tell. Having sex someone you dont know well, can make you so vunerable. A hotel can be expensive . But I quite like hotels. Im actually thinking of taking future partners to a hotel instead of my home.
Letting a man come to my home makes me feel vunerable and exposed.Im really happy in my home and I dont want to make it a place I bring men. I dont want to get a repuation of girl who is always bring different men to her flat. I dont want to fill my flat with the memories of the men I fuck. I dont want anyone looking at my family pictures. I dont want anyone looking thru my dvd collection or bookshelf. I want to maintain an air of mystery.The alternative going to his home or a hotel. Going to his can be dangerous.
You hope you it will be fine. But you never can tell. Having sex someone you dont know well, can make you so vunerable. A hotel can be expensive . But I quite like hotels. Im actually thinking of taking future partners to a hotel instead of my home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)