Scaredy Cat

I'm being such a scaredy cat if had some balls I would grab em.
I'm so scared . I spent much of the early hours of the morning awake and stressed muttering I'm scared, which then went on the be I'm so scared.

What is the cause of me being so scared. I am leaving my family home in the next couple of weeks. please note: family home just means my step dad home, I'm alone in this world.

I'm setting up home, I am going to furnish a home and choose electrical goods, and decide on a decor. I'm excited but so scared. In fact I'm more scared than excited. It will probably be fine in the end. But I find the home furnishing / electrical market so overwhelming I just want to run a hide like a scaredy cat.

Moody Moo

I'm not sure why I'm feeling so moody. Maybe it the weather which has being rather gloomy and rainy, maybe its the threat of terrorism. Maybe its the lack of a shag. Maybe its the stress of buying a new flat and organising moving home.Maybe its friends who want to depend on you bail them out when they have parents and brothers.Maybe its friends who let you down.
I'm feeling a bit I want to stand alone for a bit doing i want. I want to stop trying to make myself available for friends. I put the effort out and never get back

I'm also thinking about becoming a lesbian but thats another blog for another time

I have become so mistrusting and cynical or maybe I have my head screwed on. A guy i was talking to was offering cuddles and kisses due my current gynecological conditions.I'm a big fan of kissing .I have been so scared to take him up on his offer. I don't think he would force himself on me.

But I'm too scared to trust a guy, whoever met a guy that could control himself. They always want to go further.

I turned off my adult friend finder profile off cos I cant have sex for foreseable future.( gynecological problems) I'm not sure i want to meet anyone from adult friend finder.
I just find it all a bit to exhausting and sometimes boring. You fuck and never see em again. I cant keep introducing myself to people.

So now I have taken myself off the scene. I will trying to focus on toning up my body and losing 2 or 3 stones. Yes I said stones. I have a bigger insight in to my food issues then I ever have. I will try hard to keep the crap out of my diet. The thing is i love all the bad stuff. But unlike most people I try to balance good and bad foods.I'm going to make a big effort.

The other thing I want to to is focus on my home study creative writing course. I have delayed focusing on it for so long. I keep saying I want to write but then I do nothing to make it happen. I get so mad at myself at the my lack of motivation.

For example, for weeks I have needed to write to my sponsored child. It was only a power cut that forced me to write to her; As there was nothing else I could do.

Anyone got any tips for remaining focused. Please advise.