Date:Apr 7, 2006
Its be a while since I last updated this blog. I have been focusing on the course I mentioned in previous blogs. I have one more week and then I can start to return to my normal life,I am not regretting leaving my previous job. I know this job will be challenging and I need challenge in my life. Otherwise I get bored.
Menwise im back at square one, after thinking I wanted to date and be in relationship. It turns out I dont. I want a regular fuckbuddy or a few one nights stands every couple months. But I can live without sex and just wank. I have been working my pelvic floor muscles and it makes it so easy to come.The guy I was dating has now become my friend. We have this slightly strange relationship. I know he is not boyfriend material and I am not attracted to him in that way. But he is attractive but very skinny which I dont find attractive.
There are many things I do like about him he communicates openly and will talk about anything.We had a conversation regarding his lack of making the moves. He explained that doesnt normally make any moves on girl. Its normallly the girl who makes the first move on him out of frustation.He said he too scared to make a move incase he is rejected. I understood what he meant. However I was unsure if I wanted to make that move.I felt like if I kissed him , it would be saying I want you to be with you and I just wasnt sure. I liked him and if it didnt work out I felt it would be the end of our friendship.
The strange part even thou we are not dating we are stiil walking arm in arm and holding hands and kissing each on the cheek goodbye, and hugging. Even thou we have decided there will be no relationship, from outside we look like a couple. It feels nice to be affectionate with each other. Im not normally an affectionate person but I find quite easy to be affectionate with him.
Grief is strange. I am craving to see my mother and talk to her and be close to her. Its not a case of I want to go where she is. I am finding that going to the cemetary helps and just having a chat with her. Some days are easier than others
Its be a while since I last updated this blog. I have been focusing on the course I mentioned in previous blogs. I have one more week and then I can start to return to my normal life,I am not regretting leaving my previous job. I know this job will be challenging and I need challenge in my life. Otherwise I get bored.
Menwise im back at square one, after thinking I wanted to date and be in relationship. It turns out I dont. I want a regular fuckbuddy or a few one nights stands every couple months. But I can live without sex and just wank. I have been working my pelvic floor muscles and it makes it so easy to come.The guy I was dating has now become my friend. We have this slightly strange relationship. I know he is not boyfriend material and I am not attracted to him in that way. But he is attractive but very skinny which I dont find attractive.
There are many things I do like about him he communicates openly and will talk about anything.We had a conversation regarding his lack of making the moves. He explained that doesnt normally make any moves on girl. Its normallly the girl who makes the first move on him out of frustation.He said he too scared to make a move incase he is rejected. I understood what he meant. However I was unsure if I wanted to make that move.I felt like if I kissed him , it would be saying I want you to be with you and I just wasnt sure. I liked him and if it didnt work out I felt it would be the end of our friendship.
The strange part even thou we are not dating we are stiil walking arm in arm and holding hands and kissing each on the cheek goodbye, and hugging. Even thou we have decided there will be no relationship, from outside we look like a couple. It feels nice to be affectionate with each other. Im not normally an affectionate person but I find quite easy to be affectionate with him.
Grief is strange. I am craving to see my mother and talk to her and be close to her. Its not a case of I want to go where she is. I am finding that going to the cemetary helps and just having a chat with her. Some days are easier than others
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