I laughed until I cried

I had a funny night last night.I spoke to a person I had met twice. After feedback from various women including myself. He was now offering his services for financial gain.I was surprised and amused by this in a way I cant explain.I admit that post sex I pursued him on and off basis for another shag. I have got wet from talking online with him. Our online conversation was interrupted as my stepdad wanting to talk to me.My mother is unwell.My stepdad informed me of her new condition. I got upset as the news wasnt good. I said it was all too much.
I left the flat to shut my window. Then I came back in to the flat. He asked me what was wrong I explained that I couldnt really handle my mother's ill health. I missed talking to her. I got jealous when I saw young women with their mothers.
I also went into that someone was offering their services to me.My stepdad looked bemused and said maybe he thinks youre depressedIm not depressed I repliedI explained that post intimacy I did pursue him on and off basis.
I just dont think I need to pay for it.I saidL, at least if you pay for it you get what you want out of it.You tell him what to do. he saidSo this guy could be my bitch I said laughingUntil I started to cry.Did this guy think that I was so unattractive, lonely and desperate that I would pay for it?

I just think that a woman with a sex life already has so many expenses. Hair, nails, make up, body hair removal, clothes, sexy underwear,condoms,etc. Then add paying for sex and a hotel to it. If you are paying for it better be earth shatteringly good.I find the idea of paying for sex a complete turn off. But I have to admit it might of been a laugh to pay for it