It was an accident but I do have regrets.
You never expect to find yourself in this situation, standing
over the hospital bed of someone who has been badly injured because of the
decisions you made.
I had known P for about five weeks. We first met locally. He
was really open and very friendly.
We mainly talked about movies, kink interests and our BDSM
journey. A few weeks later we met again for another chat followed by a little
BDSM play. P sat on my living room floor. P massaged my feet. We played a
little. A mix of activities. I will spare you the details.
It was more of a taster session so P could get understanding
of play and see if something he wanted to pursue. As I personally find that in
theory and in practise can be two different things when it comes to BDSM play.
We talked about our play afterwards.
By this point P had decided he wanted to attend the Club
Seduction Party, to see if he enjoyed being out on the scene. We exchanged a
few texts about possible outfits. I suggested P speak to organiser to confirm
which outfit would be suitable.
We both attended the Club Seduction Pre drinks party. We
spoke again briefly.
On the night of the party I arrived at Club Seduction at the
Flying Dutchman around just after 11pm. P sent me a text message from the party
requesting that I bring him a collar, as he was only submissive without a
collar. I brought a collar for P to wear on my arrival.
I spoke to a few people at the party.
I was approached by one submissive for play. We played for a
period of time. I spent some time watching the medical/ needle demonstration.
It was something that intrigued me. I also spent time watching others play, as
it can give ideas for your own play.
After a while P suggested we play together. I had not asked
to P to play with me, as it was P first play party. I did not want P to feel
forced to play in public, so I waited for him to ask me.
I decided to use a wooden St Andrews Cross with a triangle
base, because I thought it would be sexy. I tied his hands with rope I did not
tie his feet, as there was no rope to tie them. His feet remained flat on the
ground. I used a riding whip on his backside five to six times. Someone was
passing with a tray of chocolate strawberries. I gave P a strawberry to eat. I
turned my back to look in my bag for another toy to use on P. I turned back and
the cross was falling. It happened so quickly, I did not have time to stop the
cross falling.
P has since revealed to me that he started to feel dizzy on
the cross, but before he could say anything to me. He passed out bringing the
cross down with him and hitting his head on wooden floor.
P was initially unresponsive. But someone who was medically
trained performed CPR and managed to get him to start responding non-verbally.
An ambulance was called but took some time to arrive.
I went into shock and had to be calmed down by the organiser
and other party attendee’s. I tried to explain between sobs that I had only
turned my back for a minute. I cried heavily and found it difficult to breathe.
The situation was so overwhelming. I could not believe this was actually
happening. It was not on my radar that this could ever happen as naive as it
sounds.
In the aftermath I overheard someone say if his feet were
tied it would not of have happened. But his feet were not tied .As there was no
rope to tie them. I have spoken to experienced BDSM players who said having
feet tied would not of has stopped this accident. After the accident I remember
at least one person shaking the St Andrews cross and stating “it was not
secure”
I was taken home by a friend and I hardly slept that night.
The accident kept replaying in my mind.
I have two regrets from that night. My first regret was
using a piece of BDSM equipment without checking how secure it was for play. I
was naive enough to believe it would be safe to use. I have since spoken to a
friend who has told me always check before you use a piece of equipment. If you
are not happy do not play on it. My second regret was taking my eyes off P
while he was on the cross. In that time the cross fell and P was badly injured.
I was not drunk. I was not on drugs. I did not just let the
cross fall. Some people want to believe I was doing something extremely wrong
like taking drugs or being drunk, and these actions caused the accident. It
helps these people reassure themselves that they will never find themselves in
a similar situation.
This was an accident but I did make some decisions that I
regret. If I do not openly talk about it how can people learn, so they do not
find themselves in a similar situation.
Since the accident I have spoken to some experienced BDSM
players who have given me some advice.
• Never use
equipment without testing how secure it is. If you are not happy do not use it.
• Some St
Andrew’s Crosses need to be secured to something solid to prevent them toppling
over.
• I have
personally learned from this experience you need to be familiar with any
equipment you use. If you are not familiar look for a dungeon monitor/ house
slave and ask for advice.
• Try to
never take your eyes off your play partner during play.
• Prepare
your play space before play. Take out all the toys you intend to use during
play beforehand. So the toys are in easy reach.
• Consider
learning basic first aid or doing a first aid course.
• Get in
contact with an experienced BDSM player and ask questions.
• Know your
play partner details just in case you have to provide their information to the
police or ambulance service.
If playing with strangers in a BDSM club
Please consider
• How much
alcohol the person has consumed.
• If the
person has been taking any drugs.
• Ask the
person for their full name DOB or age.
• If they
have any health problems.
• Take a
few minutes to prepare your play space.
• Use safe
words.
Everyone who reads this will have an opinion on this
accident. Those who present on the night and those who were not.Everyone is
free to give their opinion.
But we all make mistakes in and outside of the BDSM scene.
If you have never made a mistake. Please raise your hands so we can all worship
you as a God.
P will probably be left traumatised by this accident for the
rest of his life. Although he is expected to make a fully recovery. Everyone
who witnessed the accident was affected in one way or another.
I will have to live with the decisions I made on that night,
and the accident that took place.
I remain interested in BDSM but traumatised by the accident.
I have decided the best way forward is for me to take a physical break from the
BDSM scene and BDSM play. I will take this time to read BDSM books and spend
time pursuing more vanilla activities.
I am not sure if I will return to BDSM play. If I do I will
always be tainted by this accident.
I am grateful to those have supported me and those who have
given me advice.
I have written about the accident as I want people to be
more aware, that sometimes things can go wrong. I want to encourage safer play
in BDSM community.
PS: This blog was written over a year ago, but the scars remain.
